Don’t give up when you hit bad patches!

A theme that has come up over and over for me in the past is trying to work out what is the cause of bad patches that our children are experiencing. Having made rather less-than-mainstream choices with regards to our parenting, it is often our first instinct to blame those choices.

For example, when we’ve wanted to try to help a child learn to sleep in her own bed, but they’ve been very stressed and unhappy about it, it’s easy to say ‘Well, it’s our own fault for co-sleeping so long’.

Or when our toddler can’t get herself to sleep on her own, it’s ‘our fault for breastfeeding her to sleep’.

Or when our older daughter is struggling with reading, it’s because we home educated her.

I’m pretty certain we’re not the only parents to fall into this trap. Thankfully we’ve always had plenty of supportive grandparents and friends on hand to remind us that we’re wrong and to keep on going with our choices and be confident in them.

Not giving up, though, is easier said than done when you’re not the only person putting the blame on your ‘alternative’ choices.

What about a baby who doesn’t seem to be putting on much weight? We all know health visitors/friends/family who would say it must be because you’re breastfeeding, so give up and give him some formula.

What about a toddler who’s very clingy? Well, it’s obvious it’s because you carried him all the time as a baby, isn’t it? You made a rod for your own back!

But none of this is true. If you spend a lot of time with children who were all breastfed/carried in slings/co-slept with their parents/are home educated, you find just as vast an array of characteristics and traits as you do in a group of children who were all formula fed/kept in prams/slept in their own cot/go to school.

If anything, unconfident, clingy children are like that because they haven’t had enough time close to their parents, not too much of it.

But the fact of the matter is, for whatever reason, some children are shy and clingy, and some are not. Some have sleep problems and some don’t. Some are good at reading, and some aren’t. Unless there is a serious psychological issue going on, it is very, very unlikely that it has much to do with the parenting choices you made.

In fact, if you have a child who is very shy and clingy, and you carried them everywhere and breastfed them and educate them at home, imagine how much more shy and clingy they may be if you hadn’t done that.

Most of the psychological evidence suggests that children are more confident when they’ve been ‘attachment parented’ (for want of a better phrase), not less so.

If your home educated child isn’t yet reading, but is loving books, what are the chances that he’d still be struggling just the same in school, but would have been labelled as a ‘slow reader’ and have got thoroughly fed up with books and writing?

I’m not saying that mainstream parenting choices are inevitably damaging. I’m saying that if your child seems to have an issue, don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s your parenting choices that have caused it.

Instead, sit with it, be loving, and be in your power, and either the true answer will come to you, or the situation will resolve itself with no need for intervention from you at all.

Trust in your choices, keep questioning what you’re doing (but not blaming it!), but stay open, positive and in your power.

Top ten practical tips for preparing for life with a toddler and a new baby: Part 2

Following on from Part 1, here are tips 6-10.

6. Create an easy way for your toddler to help himself to healthy snacks and drinks

Having something that is especially yours feels great for toddlers, so while you’re still pregnant, consider creating a cupboard or box or drawer which you or your partner can fill each morning with some fresh lidded cups of water, and some healthy snacks. You can always just put enough for a mid-morning snack in at first and top it up during the day if you’re worried he’ll eat it all in one go.

The point of it is that it’s easy to get your toddler snacks if he asks when you’re not feeding or changing the baby, but it’s not so easy when you’re otherwise engaged, which you can guarantee is just the time he’ll need something!

7. When you have another adult around, aim for easier family time, rather than one-to-one time

It’s easy to think that the most important thing to do when Dad’s at home is to have some time just you and your toddler, to make up for the rest of the time when you’re having to split yourself between him and the baby. But this can set up a ‘him versus me’ understanding of the new family dynamic for your toddler.

Ideally, you want your toddler (and your baby) to grow up feeling as if they are an important part of a group, or a team and not as though they are simply another person vying for your attention, rivals with their new sibling. In my experience, the best way to foster this co-operative state of mind is by using spare adults, when they’re around, to make family trips or activities easier and less stressful to do.

8. Get your toddler as involved as possible with your new baby

This kind of follows on from the last point. If your toddler feels that he is special and important to the baby, he is more likely to build a connection with her. Ask him to pass wipes when you’re changing the baby’s nappy, and show him how to rock the baby’s chair – point out when it is the toddler who manages to settle the baby, or make her smile.

When you’re playing games with your toddler, if your baby is awake, ‘help’ the baby to ‘join in’ – you’re trying to create and atmosphere of team-work and togetherness.

Obviously there will be times when you need to stop the baby destroying things her older sibling is doing, but try not to make a big deal of it, and come up with creative ways to manage them both at the same time. I’ve spent many happy hours with a baby on my back in an Ergo, doing baking with older toddlers at the kitchen table. It’s easy to read to a baby and a toddler at the same time, and going for walks with the baby in the buggy and your toddler holding onto the side and splashing in puddles is a great shared activity.

And don’t rely on your toddler to help – if you ask him to join in with bathing the baby, and he says ‘no’, don’t push it. You’re not asking him to help to actually be helpful, but to foster a spirit of co-operativeness. If he’s not keen, pushing it may just make him resist it further.

9. Meet up with friends and be honest make a pact to be honest with each other

The moment my life became easier (well, a little!) was the moment I confessed to a friend how depressed I felt at the thought of heading home from her house at 4pm (you know the etiquette – 2-4pm for a play, and then home to an empty house) only to have to manage a further two hours on my own counting down the minutes until my husband got back from work. She immediately said she hated the time her friends left, but didn’t want to sound desperate!

So we agreed to do away with etiquette and neat meal-times and just support each other how we could. We would often spend all afternoon at each other’s houses (with other friends as well), feed all the children together, clean their teeth and let them fall asleep on the walk or drive home.

Other times we would text each other in the morning saying ‘Feeling rubbish – fancy meeting up today?’ A trip to the park with another family is so much easier than one on your own, especially when one of the children needs the loo! But do be honest about how you’re feeling – it’s likely other Mums are feeling just as flustered and overwhelmed!

10. Make time for yourself

If you can’t make time for yourself, then make sure you do things for yourself. All Mums know how scarce solitary loo-trips are when you have young children, but carving a bit of space out for yourself can mean the difference between surviving, and crying your way through the day.

When your partner gets home, if he’s happy to, run the bath and have a half hour soak before your required for bedtime feeds and stories; allow yourself half an hour (or more ;) ) of CBeebies time when you go on the internet and chat to other real life Mums who are also craving adult conversation; make yourself a cup of tea and take it up to your bedroom for just five minutes of time enjoying something on your own.

A friend of mine bought a tiara and puts it on to make herself feel special sometimes; think about buying some beautiful silk flowers – even if you don’t have time to blow-dry your hair and put on make up, you can at least slip a flower into your hair tie and feel like you’re doing something just for you.

This isn’t selfish, this is self-preservation – if you’re not looking after yourself, you won’t be able to look after your children as well as you would like to.

Last words

Having two children (or more) with very small age gaps is incredibly exhausting. It is very hard work both emotionally and physically, but try to bear in mind that it will almost certainly be worth it, and you’ll know you can cope with anything if you can cope with a baby and a toddler both at the same time!

We had some wonderful comments and suggestions on Part 1 of this post – please carry on sharing your thoughts and ideas.

Top ten practical tips for preparing for life with a toddler and a new baby: Part 1

This is one thing I definitely feel I’m fairly well qualified to write about, having done the ‘baby plus toddler’ thing three times in relatively quick succession now! This isn’t going to be about how to make the transition easier for your toddler, but about you can help yourself cope.

In the early weeks of being a parent of two, the main goal for me has always been:

Try to make sure we’re all still alive at the end of the day, and that crying has been kept to a minimum (for all three of us!)

So here are the first five of my top ten practical tips for how to prepare for a life caring for a toddler and a baby:

1. Relax your rules about the television

I don’t mean plonk your toddler in front of the screen all day every day, in the hope that he’ll be so distracted he won’t be too much hard work! I would suggest you don’t use it prophylactically, as it were because then it loses it’s ‘power’, but by the same token, don’t beat yourself up if you spend the odd day finding yourself watching the same CBeebies programmes three times over.

In these early weeks the minimisation of stress is the most important goal – you don’t want your toddler to associate your baby with a shouty Mummy any more than he has to.

2. Relax your rules about snacks

For the same reasons as for the television. Your child is not going to suddenly become obese if he spends a few weeks having more snacks than he usually would. Trying to keep them as healthy snacks is a good aim – too much sugar in conjunction with a lot of TV will only create more stress for you as your toddler gets hyped and angry.

3. Before your baby is born, think about creating some toddler activity bags

These can be ziplock bags, or little boxes, each filled with a different activity for your toddler to do either on her own, or with your one-handed help (baby in other arm!). Keep a some activities handy and separate from her usual toys so that they’re special and interesting, and if you keep them in a box near the place where you usually feed your baby, you can pull one out easily so that feeding time becomes special ‘play with new toy with Mummy’ time rather than ‘this is when I get ignored’ time.

Some ideas can be found here, here and here. If you have plenty of spare money, then you could always buy some new jigsaw puzzles etc. as well.

Mastering the art of feeding sitting cross-legged on the floor can be very helpful for this!

4. Teach your toddler how to climb into his car seat and plan your car trips

I made the mistake of not doing this with my first baby-toddler experience, and had a complete panic the first time I took them anywhere in the car. I didn’t consider which side of the road would be most sensible to park on, or in which order it made the most and the safest sense to get them into the car. I did not make this mistake again!

Depending on who is in a buggy or pram, and who is in a sling, or if anyone is on foot, it makes sense to get one in the car before the other. If you can teach your toddler to at least climb into his car seat, then he can be doing that while you strap the baby in.

And remember that this is all a whole lot more stressful when your baby is crying, your toddler doesn’t want to leave wherever you’ve been (read this post for ideas of how to manage that delightful little conundrum!), and you’re tired and tense – keep some packets of buttons or raisins (anything you know your toddler will always want) in the glove compartment for just such occasions – remember your primary goal: as little crying and shouting as possible.

5. Be kind to yourself and to your toddler

You both will be going through an extremely stressful time and you need to recognise this and cut both of you some slack. I’m not suggesting that you let bad behaviour go unchecked, but remember how stress and insecurity can cause far more tantrums than usual (see Tantrum Check List posts: anxiety,  insecurity and tiredness). You and your toddler are both going to be far more tired than usual and your toddler, in particular, is going to need a lot of reassurance that you love both him and his baby brother or sister.

Part 2 of the top-ten tips can be found here. Please share any further tips you can with parents about to embark on the exciting enlargement of their family!

How long should you breastfeed for?

This is a question that comes up in every single on of the ante-natal breastfeeding sessions that I facilitate, so it definitely deserves a post of its own. Firstly, it needs to be clarified. What we’re talking about here is the age your baby is when she weans from the breast, not the age at which you introduce solids.

Secondly, I can give you a very quick answer: Whenever you want to. However, that’s not very helpful when we have so-called ‘experts’ in the public eye telling us that breastfeeding beyond a certain age is wrong.

Dr Hilary Jones is a notorious figure for breastfeeding supporters, thanks to his comments in 2008 on a GMTV debate about extended breastfeeding:

“After the age of one breast feeding is bizarre, unusual and not necessary. After a year the mother gets more out of breastfeeding than the child does. This act is more for the mother’s comfort than the baby’s. The bonding process is over and nutritionally the baby no longer needs the milk.”

adding:

“Women breastfeed their children for longer for a variety of reasons. It can be to avoid renewing sexual relations with their partners, it’s easier for some mothers to just give in to the child while other mothers prefer to pretend their grown up child is still a baby.”

Jones is insistent that extended breastfeeding (and we’re talking just more than 12 months, here) can lead to problems for the child:

“If the child’s friends find out they may get picked on and it can delay the youngster from developing his or her independence. And as children get a little older, they are forming sexual feelings so it’s very bizarre to be then placing a child to the breast.”

And listen to self-styled breastfeeding ‘expert’ Clare Byam-Cook (breastfeeding counsellor to the stars!)’s opinion on the matter (her opinion starts at 3.36):

If you don’t want to listen, she basically says that because breastmilk is so sweet, giving it to an older baby or toddler is no better than giving them a bottle of coke several times a day! Well, we can dismiss that myth very easily!

Who would want to breastfeed beyond a year when the ‘experts’ have told us how damaging it is to our babies? It’s quite amazing that the human race has survived so long if Jones and Byam-Cook are to be believed when you consider the research of anthropologists, such as Kathy Dettwyler, that has shown that the worldwide average age of weaning from the breast is between 2.6 and 4.2. And that’s years not months!

As Dettwyler explains, though:

“It is meaningless, statistically, to speak of an average age of weaning worldwide, as so many children never nurse at all, or their mothers give up in the first few days, or at six weeks when they go back to work.”

From studying other mammals and primates, as well as more traditional cultures around the world, Dettwyler suggests, in fact, that the natural age for humans to wean from the breast is anything from 2.5 years to 7 years. A bit of a shock?

The World Health Organisation have this to say on the matter:

“Review of evidence has shown that, on a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is the optimal way of feeding infants. Thereafter infants should receive complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond.”

This article is not about why you might want to breastfeeding beyond a year, but is about explaining that it is, in fact, entirely acceptable and biologically normal to breastfeed your baby for far longer than you might expect. Therefore, the best age to wean your baby from the breast is probably the age at which you or your baby no longer wish to breastfeed. Not the age that Dr Hilary Jones, or Mrs-I’m-still-breastfeeding-my-ten-year-old from down the road suggests, but the age that is right for you and your baby, and if that happens to be beyond the age that you would have imagined when you first held your tiny newborn, then that is fine. In fact, it might even be good for them – I’ll explain why in another post! (If two is the right age for you, have a look at this post about ways to help the weaning process at that age).

Toddler groups – what’s the point?

I know I’m not the only mum who, with her first and even second babies felt that as soon as they were old enough, the ‘done thing’ is to go along to toddler groups (I’m talking about the ones where mum stays). But lots of mums don’t enjoy them, and find them stressful, so are they really necessary?

We’re often given the impression, although I’m not sure where it originated, that it’s important to go along to these things so that our toddlers can learn to socialise, as if there’s a magic window of time and if you get to a certain age without having played with other children at least once a day, you’ll never know how to do it!

Well, I can tell you now that that is not at all true, and in some cases, toddler groups are not good for toddlers – those who find large groups stressful, for instance.

Some toddlers enjoy going along to them – that’s not a reason to make yourself go if you don’t like them though. Toddlers will manage perfectly easily without ever going to one in their entire life!

So why go, then? Well, really, the benefit is to parents – it’s a chance to socialise yourself and it certainly helps to kill a couple of hours of an otherwise long, sometimes lonely day.

It’s quite nice to learn some new kids’ songs to sing with your little one at home or in the car, and you might make some really good friends there.

On the other hand, you may find yourself sitting in the corner feeling shy and wishing someone would chat to you, or hoping that no one will! You might dread going along and feeling ignored, or pushed to interact. You may hate the inevitable necessity of stopping someone else’s child hitting yours, or snatching from them – or vice versa!

Some mums just find toddler groups excruciating, and if you’re one of those mums, don’t beat yourself up – just don’t go! It is not essential that toddlers learn to socialise in this way so don’t think you’ll be doing your toddler any harm by deciding not to do the toddler group thing.

If, on the other hand, you’re feeling isolated and want to make the effort to get over your shyness, then go along and force yourself to chat to people. After you’ve been a few times, it’s worth biting the bullet and suggesting a visit to a local park with another mum, or inviting someone round for coffee.

I know this sounds like teaching your grandmother to suck eggs, but I know people who’ve been along to toddler groups hoping to make friends and not understanding why people aren’t chatting to them…but it’s probably because they’re in the same boat as you – nervous, and unsure what to do.

So either don’t go to toddler groups, or go along and be bold and try to make friends, or go along and just wait for it to end, knowing you’ll have killed a couple of hours by being there. But don’t make yourself go if you don’t want to – there really is no need to and for some mums it’s really not worth the pain!

When your toddler refuses to move

The pros and cons of various approaches

A lot of parents will recognise that sinking feeling you experience when you have an uncooperative toddler and you need to be somewhere.You just know they’re going to dig their heels in, but you take a deep breath, after giving them that iconic ‘five minute warning’, and go for it…but your toddler doesn’t.

Maybe he has a tantrum, or maybe he goes on strike, sitting down and refusing to budge. Or maybe he just carries on playing, as if you never even spoke.

I’m pretty certain I’m not the only mum who has lived through this delightful experience! And I’m probably not the only one who’s got it wrong quite a lot of times. I have spent many years trying to work out the best way to deal with this conundrum, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t a perfect one, but some approaches are certainly better than others.

Here are a few that I (and many of my friends) have tried, along with their pros and cons.

The ‘just do it for her’ method.

With this method, you need to pick up your toddler, whether she’s kicking or screaming, or whatever, and carry her to her buggy or car-seat. Ideally, this method is done in a calm, controlled manner, but we all know that mostly it’s done while you fight back your own tears and talk to her through gritted teeth…or maybe you don’t even bother with that and are so close to the end of your tether that you just yell right back!

Pros

Quick and decisive – sometimes a dithering, helpless-seeming parent (which, let’s face it, we’ve all been from time to time) can worry a child into even worse behaviour. They need to trust that, ultimately, we know what we’re doing – they’re relying on us to see them safely through childhood, and it’s frightening to think that rock might not be so steady after all.

Cons

It’s noisy, and unpleasant for us, our toddlers, and anyone else who happens to be around at the time.

It’s pretty difficult to do if we have a baby to care for as well, or another toddler who is also putting the brakes on.

And it may be that, by forcibly overriding our children’s wishes, we’re giving them no chance to develop their rational thinking and caring-for-others abilities.

Oh, and there’s no way this approach can be good for our relationships with our children, which surely must have priority (although it’s difficult to see that when you’re in the heat of the moment).

The ‘decide not to leave after all’ method

Do you really – and by that I mean really – need to go? Could there be another way of getting what you need from the shop, for example, or could you stay for tea at your friend’s house? Maybe you just need to surrender to circumstances and have another cup of tea!

Pros

Our children will certainly feel that their feelings and desires have been taken as seriously as we take our own, which can only be good for our relationships with them, and for their sense of self-worth.

It’s not likely to be a traumatic or distressing experience.

We parents may find we really benefit from reconsidering what our priorities really are, and from slowing down a little to move at a speed a little close to that of our toddlers.

Cons

If we are self-sacrificing to achieve this – perhaps we’ve been really looking forward to reading our newspapers this evening and are really disappointed that we won’t get to the shop in time to buy it, or maybe our friend’s cooking leaves rather a lot to be desired and we really don’t want to hang around any later – then we are actually teaching our children that our feelings and desires are not important and don’t need to be taken seriously, which goes on to teach our children that their needs come before anyone else’s. (NB: This is not a disadvantage if you’re not self-sacrificing to take this approach)

People often think that this approach is really called ‘letting them walk all over us’ or ‘not showing them who’s boss’, but I don’t think we’re meant to be ‘the boss’. I think we’re meant to be ‘the guide’ and should be working with our children, not against them. However, taking our children’s desires as seriously as we take our own and those of adults can raise some eyebrows and elicit a few tuts!

In some cases, this approach will rely on other adults also taking our children seriously.

We may need to use some pretty creative thinking to work out how to get that essential bottle of wine, or how to get our older children to their ballet class, for instance, if we use this particular method

Bribery/Threat

That old chestnut. I’m sure you don’t need me to explain that one! OK, just in case – basically, it involves saying to our children ‘come on, if you leave now without a fuss I’ll give you some chocolate buttons to eat in the car’ or ‘if you don’t get in the car right now, you won’t be able to watch Octonauts later on’. Reward charts come into this category too.

If I had a pound for every time I’d used this little gem, I’d be a millionaire by now, I think! I’m not convinced it’s a helpful approach thought.

Pros

If it works, it’s quick, and fairly painless in the moment.

Cons

It doesn’t always work.

It’s kind of teaching the wrong message i.e. You do things solely for what you get out of it, not because it’s the right thing to do.

In the same way as the ‘just do it for them’ method, we’re not showing our children that we really respect their wishes by bribing or threatening them to get them to do what we want.

The ‘work out if there’s a way you can make leaving more pleasant for your child’ method

I suppose this could be construed as bribery, but it is very different really. It’s about talking with our children about our own desires and their’s and trying to find a solution that would suit you both. It’s essentially the same as the ‘decide not to leave after all’ approach, except it needs to be used when we would have to self-sacrifice in order to take it.

It means saying things like ‘You’re having a fantastic time playing with that Duplo, aren’t you? I need to go to the shop, though. Shall we take the buggy so you can bring some Duplo with you to play with?’ or ‘I want to go home to cook dinner in a minute, Billy, but I can see you’re having a lovely time here. Shall I come back to pick you up in half an hour?’ or ‘Would you like to choose what we’ll have to eat tonight, and help me cook it?’.

This isn’t the same as ‘offering choices’, which, in my opinion, are usually blindingly obvious to children as non-choices and, therefore, don’t feel that same sense of being taken seriously as important individuals.

Pros

By taking this approach, we’re making it really clear that we really do value and respect our children’s desires, and that we value and respect our own equally.

We’re modelling respectful problem-solving and team-work.

As parents, we may really find that our life improves when we start to think about other ways of doing things – life doesn’t need to be as simple as ‘this’ or ‘that’, and it’s freeing when we can allow ourselves to explore the ‘or the others’.

Cons

It can be really difficult to think creatively like this when we’re tired, or stressed.

It can take a lot of time.

It all gets much more complicated when there are other children involved, although I do believe that family relationships can only improve when we encourage our children to take each other’s feelings and desires seriously and when we practise working together to find solutions that are as close to pleasing everyone involved as possible.

We may need to rely on other adults being willing to help find a solution, and this can be difficult if they’re the sort of adults who think children should be seen and not heart, and certainly shouldn’t be involved in family decision-making!

A final note

If you do choose to take one of the ‘creative problem solving’ approaches, I think it’s worth me sharing with you that, in my experience, sometimes children do just want to be told what to do, and this is one of those eternal conundrums in parenthood – when to be ‘in charge’ and when not to. I guess you have to follow your instincts.

If you say ‘right, we’re leaving now!’, and your child’s face crumples, and he stamps his feet, then it’s clear that he’s not happy to be led right now. If, on the other hand, you say ‘would you like to take some toys to the shop or maybe we could buy a chocolate while we’re there, or you could take your trike, or the buggy…?’ and his face crumples and he stamps his feet, then probably the potential choices are frazzling his brain and really he just wants to be told what to do right now.

And, yes, they won’t understand exactly what you’re saying, but hopefully they’ll sense your intention and feeling, and respond accordingly…well, that’s the idea, anyway!

Working this out gets harder the older they get, by the way…just to warn you!

I would really love to hear what you think about this – are there any approaches I’ve missed out? What have you tried and found works well?

5 tips for getting a baby to drink from a cup

Whether we bottle feed or breastfeed, at some point we’re all going to want to get our babies to drink from a cup of some description. But some babies just don’t want to!

After a mum asked me about this on Twitter last week with regard to her 10 month old baby, I thought I’d write this post with five tips I’ve picked up along the way, partly by trial and error, and partly learned from other mums.

1. You may want to steer clear of no-spill cups.

There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, if your baby’s already reluctant to drink from anything that he’s not used to, then he may well reject these cups because of how hard he has to work to get the drink past the valve.

Secondly, they don’t teach babies what happens when you tip a cup up – they don’t create any need for them to learn how to control a cup so that it doesn’t spill all over the place.

Thirdly, if it’s juice or milk in it, then it’s not good from a healthy teeth perspective if your baby carries his no-spill up all the time, taking sips here and there

2. Think about trying cups without spouts.

This kind of goes against what we’d expect, as that’s usually all that’s on sale, but if you’re holding the cup for your baby, and he actually wants to drink, then it’s probably the best way to learn the movements he needs to make with his mouth to start out with a real cup

3. If you try tip #2, just gradually let him take over more and more of the holding as he gets better at it.

Think about trying a slanted cup like the Doidy cup, which makes it easier for him to see where the drink is in the cup as it moves towards his lips

4. Leave cups of water lying around for him.

In the summer, try leaving a couple of cups of water outside for him to help himself to – it won’t matter if it makes a mess then, and will give him a good chance to experiment.

In the winter, you can do the same indoors, but obviously it would be far less messy to use a spouted cup. Unlike no-spill cups, normal spouted cups will leak if they’re knocked over, but not as much as an open cup, and as long as you’re around, it’s unlikely to make too much mess.

Sipping water regularly carries no risk to your baby’s teeth or health at all, so just make sure it’s that and not juice or milk you leave lying around like this!

5. Tempt him with your drinks.

If your baby simply isn’t interested in drinking from anything that isn’t a breast or a bottle, then try tempting him with your drinks. Obviously you need to make sure your drinks are suitable, but if you have a glass of water in your hand, and your baby on your knee, it’s pretty likely he’ll want to have a go at being like Mummy or Daddy, so let him!

Put the glass to his lips and tilt it so he can sip it. It’s a great way for him to learn, and he may well begin to want his own cup after a few goes of using yours.

Did you have a reluctant cup-user? How did you get your baby from breast or bottle to cup?